Last summer, this winter, time flies by. We have met many people and things on this fast-paced timeline. Sometimes, meeting the right person at the wrong time can make people feel an inexplicable sense of loss.
My name is Fang Zhikai. I am a junior in college. I study in a not very famous university, but I am studying my favorite major – Media. Although the school is not very famous, I love to use different ways to present the beauty of the world that can be captured by the eyes.
This winter, I did something really ridiculous.
I don’t know how many people have done the same thing, nor do I know how many people will blame me for this. But I know that I am terrible.
At 7 o’clock that evening, I returned to the dormitory with a heavy camera bag on my back and started to organize the videos that I had to submit next month. I turned on the computer, inserted the memory card, pulled out the files I shot today, and edited them for a while. I was really tired. So I picked up my phone, played some games, and lay on the bed immersed in my own little world. Suddenly, a dynamic made my face wet instantly.
“Zhikai: You have a boyfriend…”
Last summer, I broke up with my ex. His name was Fang Yankai, and our names differed by only one character.
This was also the opportunity for us to meet.
On the day of the new students’ registration, the teacher called the roll:
“Fang Zhikai.”
“have.”
“Fang Yankai.”
“have.”
I looked around with my eyes wide open, trying to see the man whose name was only one letter different from mine. He was sitting two seats to my left. I will never forget his back. When he turned his head and our eyes met, he asked in lip language, “Are you Fang Zhikai?”
I nodded and he smiled. At that moment, I decided that he was the perfect match for me.
We got to know each other quickly and spent more than a year in each other’s company. But last summer, we said goodbye to each other at the beach. I hope we can be happier in the future. He left – left the school, left the central part, and left my life. It’s been almost a year, and I still can’t forget him.
At this moment, a message popped up on the app, saying that it was a handsome guy who was currently nearby. I opened the app and responded. To be honest, he was exactly my type. I hesitated whether to take the initiative, because when it comes to the type I like, I always feel anxious and find it difficult to take the initiative.
I put down my phone, walked to the window, and lit a cigarette. Looking at the flickering countryside night scene, the cold wind blowing on my back, I tried to calm down the sadness just now.
Suddenly, the phone vibrated.
Kapu: Hi~Did you reply to my love proposal? Hahaha?
Zhikai: How do you know?
Kapu: Guessed!
Zhikai: Oh oh…
Kapu: Zhikai is your name?
Zhikai: Yeah.
Kapu: It sounds good. How about you? You know my name now.
Kapu: My name is Shikai.
——No way, don’t tell me your last name is Fang…
Zhikai: What’s your last name?
Kapu: It’s not important, haha.
Zhikai: My name is Fang Zhikai, what’s yours?
Kapu: Phew! Just one word!
In the fog, I seemed to see that familiar figure. It was him, Fang Yankai. I ran as hard as I could, trying to catch up with him. I called out his name, but it didn’t work. My body became heavier, I had trouble breathing, and my consciousness gradually blurred. Yankai slowly turned around and smiled at me.
Zhikai: Yankai…don’t go…
I shouted with my last bit of strength, but it was no match for the approaching darkness.
Thunder suddenly sounded and I woke up from my bed. It turned out to be a dream.
I haven’t dreamed of Yan Kai for a long time.
I looked at the alarm clock and it was 5:30 in the morning. I couldn’t fall asleep anymore. I subconsciously picked up my phone and another message popped up.
Message: Are you asleep?
The message stopped at about 12 o’clock, and I didn’t have the energy to reply at that time. Now looking at it, I feel that it would be bad if I didn’t reply.
Zhikai: Yeah.
I put down my phone, went into the bathroom and washed my face. Looking at myself in the mirror, when did I become so haggard?
When did the smile disappear from your face?
Tears flowed uncontrollably. I couldn’t face the fact that he was gone. My heart felt like an empty shell.
At this time, the phone rang again.
Kapu: Why did you wake up? Did you have a nightmare?
Zhikai: Yeah. How about you?
Kapu: I can’t sleep. It’s okay for me to have a day off tomorrow.
Kapu: Can you tell us about your nightmare?
Zhikai: I’m not in the mood.
Kapu: Well… let’s go. I’ll take you for a walk.
Zhikai: Not good? Aren’t you at work?
Kapu: Didn’t I say I’m taking a day off tomorrow? Haha.
Zhikai: Can you take a vacation like this? You’re not going home?
Kapu: I don’t want to go home, so I’ll just stay in the dormitory. Let’s go~
I hesitated. But staying in the room would only make me feel even more depressed. Well, let’s go for a walk.
Zhikai: Do you drive or ride a bike?
Kapu: I have a car, I will pick you up.
Zhikai: Well, go to the 7-11 at the bottom of the mountain road. I’ll wait for you there.
Kapu: Okay, it’s a bit cold outside, wear more clothes.
Zhikai: Well, drive carefully.
I was too lazy to dress up, so I went out in cotton pants, a plain T-shirt and a coat. The weather was a bit cold, so I went in and bought two hot lattes, one for myself and one for my own use. I lit a cigarette, and a car slowly drove up.
I actually haven’t seen a picture of Kapu, so I don’t know what he looks like.
A handsome man got out of the car and walked towards me.
Kapu: Are you Zhikai?
Zhikai: Shikai?
He nodded and smiled.
Oh my god, this guy is so handsome.
Shikai: Very cold!
Zhikai: Okay, here you go.
I handed him the latte I had prepared.
Shikai: Wow~ You’re so nice to me?
Zhikai: The second cup is half price.
Shikai: Haha, get in the car.
Zhikai: Is it okay for me to smoke?
Shikai: Just open the window.
Zhikai: Don’t you hate the smell of cigarettes?
He took a cigarette from his pocket and lit it.
Shikai: Let’s go.
Zhikai: Where are you going?
Shikai: Let’s go to Wuling!
Zhikai: Are you crazy?
Shikai: Anyway, I have nothing to do tomorrow. Do you have classes?
Zhikai: No need…but it’s too late now, right?
Shikai: Then I’ll take you to a place with beautiful night view.
I got in the car, and the fragrance was light and not pungent. There were no exaggerated decorations, but there were several model cars on display. He seemed to be a very delicate person.
We talked a lot along the way. Until I knew that there was no way we could be together – he had a boyfriend.
I don’t feel anything, probably because… I can’t get over it yet.
We came to a hidden night spot. Standing by the fence, I asked : Do you live nearby?
Shikai: How do you know?
Zhikai: It’s such a mysterious place, and the road is difficult to travel on. If you are not a local, you will never know it.
Shikai: You are so smart.
Patted my head and put his hand on my shoulder.
Zhikai: This is not good…
Shikai: Hmm?
Zhikai: You have a boyfriend.
Shikai: What’s wrong? Do I need permission to put my arm around my friend’s shoulder?
Zhikai: As long as you are happy…
Shikai: Honestly, I think you’re cute.
Zhikai: That’s enough~
I’m really nervous now, he’s really handsome and has a great body.
It’s a miracle that I’m still sane.
He started talking about his boyfriend and his problems, but it was more like complaining. I listened quietly and occasionally gave some advice. He went from putting his arm around my shoulder to standing behind me and hugging me.
I could feel his breathing and his heartbeat.
Feeling the warmth of his chest from behind, Xiao Zhikai reacted without hesitation.
——No… He has a boyfriend. I can’t do this.
Shikai: You look so hot, do you have a fever?
I lowered my head, not daring to respond. I didn’t respond to him, and he carried me into the car…
bShikai : Isn’t it good to care about the happiness of the moment? Besides, I like you too.Zhikai : Well…as long as you are happy, go back.I don’t know why, I don’t feel any guilt, I just feel so happy next to him, I will laugh, he makes me find the happiness I used to have, what should I do…what should I do, I can’t fall in love with him, he is not the one I should love, when I got home, he kissed me, I watched him leave, with a very empty and sad feeling in my heart.
