I should be the most unlucky gay. I am only in my early 20s and a college student. I don’t understand why those gays are so fickle, like one-night stands, promiscuous sex, and all kinds of sexual behaviors with their gay friends, while I am so lucky and healthy.
I am not a very promiscuous homosexual, and I had just started to get involved in the gay circle. I had sex with a gay college student who was studying in the same city as me, and as a result I contracted AIDS.
When I was donating blood voluntarily, I received a blood test notice saying that I had AIDS. I didn’t believe it at all at the time, and I secretly went to the most prestigious hospital in the city for a check-up. I hoped so much that I was lucky, but the test result still showed that I was infected with AIDS!
The news was like a bolt from the blue. I was completely thrown on the brink of life and death. The thought of suicide suddenly sprouted from the bottom of my heart. I felt that life was playing a cruel joke on me, but I had to accept this joke.
When I committed suicide, I was in great pain. Thinking of my parents, I just couldn’t bring myself to end my life and say goodbye to this ruthless world. I could imagine that if I died, my parents would definitely not be able to live. I used to be their hope. I was always praised by my relatives and friends for my good image. My parents were always very proud of me! However, now I accidentally contracted AIDS, and the world sentenced me to death. I asked the doctor, and he said that there is no technology or medicine to treat AIDS. He said that it can only rely on some expensive drugs to suppress the spread and deterioration of the HIV virus. If I had a good mood and controlled it well, I could live for 5 years, but I died in the end.
What should I do? I was in pain and isolated myself from the world, thinking hard in a corner. Finally, I decided to hide everything from my parents and not let them know about my illness. I told my parents that I was going to support the border areas, so I had to go to the marginal mountainous areas to teach. I told them to let me go out and exercise alone. It happened that I also liked to travel around, so I could explore the beauty of the rivers of the motherland while teaching.
I thought to myself that if there is a next life, I will definitely not be a gay. I want to live a good life, marry a wife I like, have a lively, smart, healthy and lovely child, and enjoy family happiness with my parents, wife and children. Even if we don’t have enough money, it will be happy as a family living an ordinary life!
Why do people always realize how plain but full of happiness their life was when it is too late to look back? !
Actually, when I first knew that I was infected with AIDS, my heart was full of hatred and the idea of revenge. I wanted to have sex with other gays and let them die with me to get a balance in my heart. Later, I didn’t do that. I suddenly felt that every gay was very pitiful, and I was just the most unlucky one. The main reason for contracting AIDS was because of my desire to experience homosexual life. Just like people opened Pandora’s box because of curiosity, they must accept the punishment brought by curiosity. I think every gay has his own destination. I am already so pathetic, there is no need to spread grief and hurt those poor gays. It is their good fortune that they can have promiscuous sex frequently but remain healthy. I just want to remind some gays who are willing to take responsibility for themselves through my own experience. When having sex with gays, take necessary precautions as much as possible, and don’t repeat my old mistakes, otherwise they will be infected with the virus and want to cry without tears!
Finally, I wish you good health and happiness. Thank you for listening to the words of a comrade like me who is already counting down his life.
A 21-year-old HIV-infected person
