These are the vague memories I had of the men around me during my teenage years. Although I didn’t have true love at that time, the fascination with the same sex had quietly sprouted in my heart and formed the tone of my sexual orientation throughout my life.
01
I remember when I was in the third grade of elementary school, I was a little introverted and didn’t like to talk to my family. At that time, something happened in my family and I had to live with my grandma. I had fair skin and bright eyes. Everyone said I looked like a girl, but I was also naughty and delicate. When I looked at the photos of myself at that time when I grew up, I thought I was really pretty.
I have a cousin who always bullies me, but he would also lie for me, take me to play with friends, and do a lot of naughty things together. My cousin was handsome when he was a child, and he was considered to be more handsome among his friends. He was 5 years older than me, and he should have been in junior high school at that time.
My cousin rarely stays at my grandma’s house. He always comes to play with me for a while during the day and goes home at night.
One night, probably because my aunt and uncle were out, my cousin and I shared a bed, and my grandmother slept in a bed next to us. When I was young, I didn’t have any other thoughts. I just thought it was fun. After playing for a while, I was tired after being scolded and prepared to go to bed.
In a daze, I felt someone licking my ears. At that time, I just felt wet and itchy, nothing special, so I turned my head away and ignored my cousin. He came to lick me again, and I pushed him away angrily, but I was weak and he always succeeded.
When I was young and naive, I succumbed to my cousin’s strength and verbal threats. My cousin kissed me wantonly, licking my ears and kissing my face. Gradually, I found it funny and wanted to laugh, but my cousin covered my mouth. He turned my face with his hand, our eyes met, and then my cousin’s lips touched mine. I must have been a little excited at the time.
My cousin didn’t know anything at that time, but the mouth-to-mouth contact still made me feel a little bit. My brother bit my upper lip and lower lip alternately. I was a little excited at that time, so I was hugged and kissed by him, and I responded a little. What I didn’t notice was that my brother’s little brother kept pressing against me. I asked him softly why his penis was so hard? He told me that sometimes it would be hard, and sometimes it wouldn’t. He also said that when I grow up, it will be like this too.
Of course, there would be no further passion at that time. After kissing for a while, they bit each other’s lips until they were too sleepy, and then fell asleep with their mouths touching.
After waking up in the morning, it was the weekend, and grandma didn’t control us too much, so we just stayed in bed. In the morning, my cousin’s penis was hard again, and it pressed against my thigh again. I don’t know if middle school kids can have morning erections, but I think my cousin developed erections a little early.
Because of the kiss we had yesterday, I was no longer opposed to this. My cousin moved slowly. I didn’t understand what he meant, but I was actually a little excited inside and didn’t resist at all. Then we started biting our lips again. After a while, he suddenly said to me, let’s play a game. I said okay, and he said he would play the boy and I would play the girl, and he would lie on top of me and move. We kissed and rubbed, and he put his lower body between my legs and kept moving.
A strange change took place in my heart. I found that I liked this kind of play. Even when I grew up, I still liked such intimate hugs between boys, even if there was no actual sex.
My brother was thrusting on me very hard. Actually, I didn’t feel anything myself, but I could feel my brother’s pleasure. Looking at his handsome face with desire written all over his face, which made him look even more handsome, I was filled with a sense of satisfaction, and then a sense of pleasure arose in my heart, and I tried harder to cooperate with my brother.
I don’t know what my cousin was thinking at that time, but I will never forget the desire in his eyes, his sexy thin body, and his hot and hard lower body. We didn’t ejaculate, nor did we have any substantial sex.
My cousin and I have always treated this as a game, a game that we both enjoy. He enjoys the physical pleasure and the possessiveness of his cousin, while I enjoy the inner pleasure of being needed and conquered.
Although my cousin and I would have conflicts, similar things would happen almost every time he slept with me. In fact, there were not many times, because I returned to my mother and rarely interacted with my grandmother, so I gradually drifted away from my handsome cousin. Although we lived in the same town, we didn’t have many opportunities to meet.
02
Gradually , I found that I would pay attention to some handsome boys. At that time , I had a few good friends, one of whom was also very handsome, and I would fantasize about his body. Especially after entering the sixth grade, I saw many bodies in the bathroom that made me envious. However, at that time, I just looked at them and felt a kind of desire surging in my heart, but I would not stare at others.
Later, I entered junior high school. I didn’t grow much, but some nosy girls secretly commented that I was a handsome guy. Of course, I was only second, because the first was Wen.
Wen is a sunny and handsome guy, not the kind of handsome that is delicate, but the kind of clean and handsome with a bit of masculinity, which is also the type I like. Wen is a gentle and cheerful person, and we are very good friends.
I rarely skipped classes, but he sometimes did, and I would help him cover up. It seemed that a weak boy like me would not play around, but in fact, I was considered a very aggressive boy in the first grade of junior high school and was criticized by the head teacher. Fortunately, my grades were not bad, and the teacher would not criticize me too much.
A boy named Chao in my class regarded me as a competitor in study. With his twisted heart, our relationship was very ordinary. But he always wanted to get close to me. After failing to become good friends with me, he always bullied me. When I wasn’t paying attention, he would take away my bench and let me sit empty, or scare me. I would occasionally complain to Wen. Wen knew about these things, but never took any action and never mentioned him to me.
Until one time, Wen and I were playing around, and Chao bumped into us when he passed by. I apologized, but Chao was a little unwilling to give in and started pushing me. I also got angry and started pushing him back, but unfortunately I was small and weak, so I was no match for him.
Wen broke Chao’s hand that was holding my collar, and threw him to the ground with a shoulder throw. It was the first time I saw Wen fight, and I didn’t expect him to do it so violently. Chao wanted to cause trouble, but he knew he was no match for Wen, so he said something harsh to me, saying that I couldn’t beat him and needed help. Wen pretended to fight, and then Chao walked away. Because I was popular in the class, many boys spoke up for me. Later, Chao stopped bullying me, and I didn’t pay much attention to him.
There are not many stories about Wen and I. Once when I was taking a shower, I secretly looked at Wen’s lower body. Like him, it was not white and cute. Like his skin, it was a little yellow. The size was not amazing, but it was still very nice and soft. The length and thickness were in a good proportion. There was a faint black mark around his lower body.
After what happened with my cousin, I would pay a little attention to the private parts of my friends when I was taking a shower. I remember that the oldest student in the class, who probably developed early, had a completely disproportionate private part that hung heavy, like a banana. Even without an erection, it was very thick and dangling, and it was very enviable when he walked around.
Many years later, I went to a public bathroom one time and met my cousin and my uncle. Because of the complicated relationships at home at the time, I didn’t pay much attention to them, but they obviously saw me and hesitated for a moment.
My cousin should have been in high school at that time, 18 years old, tall and thin, his youthful beauty was wiped out, and he looked more handsome. He had a high nose, thick lips, and fair skin. I looked at my brother’s lower body and was really surprised. The little brother who was older than me back then had become an “elephant”, with some black hair at the base, which made him look very manly. A young man’s body was right in front of me, so masculine and so attractive.
At that time, I didn’t have any other thoughts, just the feeling of worshiping him now, I wanted to hug his legs and stick to his body. My brother smiled at me slightly, and I pursed my lips. I know that the adult world has not completely affected the brotherhood between me and my brother.
These are the vague memories I had of the men around me during my teenage years. Although I didn’t have true love at that time, the fascination with the same sex had quietly sprouted in my heart and formed the tone of my sexual orientation throughout my life.
