Let me tell you my story.
I met my ex in college. The reason I liked him was simple: his looks. Yes, I was a face lover at that time. Good looks made me ignore other factors. When we were young, who didn’t go through the stages of being naive and superficial?
He is very handsome, more than 1.8 meters tall, thin and white, with three-dimensional facial features. He is also a famous handsome guy in their school. We met on a small software. Seeing that such a handsome guy is also a G and is willing to date an ordinary person like me, I feel that at this moment, I have used up all my luck in my life.
His family’s financial situation is average. His father is just a small employee in a company. His mother is ill and has medical expenses every month. His sister is also in college. My family is relatively well-off. I can get a lot of New Year’s money from my elders every year, and I also have more pocket money.
At that time, I was a pure lover, willing to buy him this and that, every time we went out, I would treat him to a big meal, and I would also provide him with snacks.
Every year on his birthday, Valentine’s Day, Chinese Valentine’s Day, etc., I would show my appreciation by sometimes buying him a new phone, sometimes giving him a smart watch, or his favorite sneakers.
Although he seldom bought me things when we were together, I didn’t mind it. I thought that poverty was only temporary and we would be fine in the future. I understood his difficulties.
I remember that when we had been dating for a year, he gave me a Nike baseball cap in a paper bag. When he handed it to me, I was so happy.
Even though this was the only time he gave me a gift, and I felt a little sad, I still understood how difficult it was for him.
On weekends, we would go to the nearby shopping district to go shopping, eat, watch movies, sing karaoke , and drink coffee. He was used to me paying. Sometimes, I really hoped that he could treat me to a meal, even if it was just a bowl of noodles, it would be a token of his thoughtfulness.
In fact, I am still somewhat unbalanced. Although he is very handsome, it does not mean that I should give so much and he should feel at ease with it.
My parents were also surprised that my pocket money was increasing, and I would constantly find excuses to ask for money from home. Sometimes, my grandparents were afraid that I didn’t have enough money, so they secretly gave me money. This is how I supported our relationship.
Now that I think about it, whether a person is willing to spend money on you can show whether he is sincere. Having no money is one thing, but being willing to spend the little money is another.
He was handsome, so naturally he was very popular. So when he chose me, I was flattered. I thought he liked me, even though he rarely spent money on me.
Later, we broke up. The reason was not because of money, but because I found out that he was flirting with another man.
One time, I secretly logged into my little app with his phone number, and then I saw his flirting records with more than 20 people.
I read through the chat records one by one. Just before I read the records, we were still discussing what movie to watch together tonight. The next second, I looked at each chat record and burst into tears.
The last chat record was one hour before I arrived at their school. He knew I was coming, so he uninstalled the app to prevent me from seeing it. But I still found it.
That day, I was hysterical in front of him. He tried to coax me at first, finding all kinds of excuses, but later, seeing that I was determined, he simply stopped coaxing me and asked me directly, “What’s wrong with just chatting? I didn’t do anything.”
Then, he started to blame me, saying that the reason I was being unreasonable was because he was poor and had no money, and I looked down on him. He also thought that it was material reasons that led to our breakup.
It was then that I realized that this man, apart from being handsome, had no qualities that people admired, such as honesty, responsibility, loyalty, or even the courage to correct mistakes. All he had was shirking responsibility and changing the concept, and in the end, I had to abandon him.
I asked him, “Do you love me?” He showed me the photos of him and me saved in his cell phone album, as well as some of his Moments that he had posted to create a loving persona.
I laughed out loud at that time. Saving a few photos is called being affectionate? Being emo on your Moments every day is called being affectionate? Then why didn’t you cherish me when I was sincere to you in the first place?
I turned and left, but he chased after me and begged for my forgiveness. It was too late. Although I was still crying, it was not because of him, but because I felt that I was not loving myself enough to be with him.
This breakup made me re-examine my personality and views on love. I am easily soft-hearted, and therefore prone to falling in love and being a loser.
It’s not that a poor man doesn’t deserve love, but a man who doesn’t strive for progress, doesn’t know when to advance or when to retreat, and doesn’t know what’s good for him is not worthy of love.
Later, he kept begging me to get back together with him. I refused, and this was the right choice I made after reflecting on myself. I also want to say to my friends who have been heartbroken, please don’t reconcile with your ex, no matter how much he begs you, how humble he is, or how servile he is.
The reason why you can’t go on is because they have different values, and their views and judgments on things and problems are completely different. There are conflicts when you are together, and after a period of separation, your experiences and ideas are even more different, so you are destined not to be together.
I also want to tell you that we are all ordinary people. It seems that small software gives us a lot of choices, but in fact, we don’t have many people to choose from, and we don’t have many opportunities. We can’t reach the level of high-level people, and we don’t look down on those who are particularly low-level. Therefore, objectively evaluate your own strength and conditions, cherish every choice, and try your best to make this choice blossom and bear fruit.
