Disclaimer
Exclamation marks represent personal stories within question marks. Alternatively, I could’ve called them “Stories that made us or broke us.”
This tale unfolds years ago in a small village in northern Greece. I’ll do my best to stay true to the original and share everything I remember.
Let’s start with a cute one
Coming out can be daunting.
It’s a slow and painful journey. First, we have to come out to ourselves, then to those we love, or sometimes even to strangers we encounter online or in bathroom stalls. Some never come out, living their lives in shadows and fear, while others find themselves coming out almost daily.
Coming out at a young age—especially when you feel isolated from other queer individuals—can feel like diving into an unfamiliar lake in the middle of the night. You have no idea what the water’s like or what creatures lurk beneath the surface. It’s terrifying, especially if you’re feeling vulnerable or still believe in monsters.
When I was thirteen, I decided to test the waters. I imagined myself on a boat in the middle of the lake, dipping my finger in to check the temperature. At that point, I hadn’t come out to myself yet; I didn’t realize I was a flaming homo in incubation. But I was dying to know: How would people react if I turned out to be one?
The Setting
The story begins with me and probably my best childhood friend, sitting on a bench outside a graveyard. We were trying to figure out why we were the only two not invited to a birthday party that day. Everyone else was there, but we weren’t.
“It’s crazy!” my friend exclaimed. “There are six hundred people in the village. We’re all family! She can’t just not invite us! I’m sure she forgot,” he insisted. “We’re not going to that birthday party uninvited,” I replied.
I then told my friend I had something important to discuss with him. I felt he was the only person I could confide in. I can’t recall for certain, but I think I was stressed. My voice probably hit a new pitch, and I was likely sweating while sitting there, worried he might be upset if I told him I was gay. After all, we were the only two not invited. Would he abandon me, leaving me alone?
And so, I said, “I think I might be gay.”
The Cat’s Out of the Bag
“I think I might be gay.” I shared what was weighing on my mind. That was probably the first time I said the word “gay” out loud, and I’ll never forget what happened next.
He looked me up and down, examining every inch of me as if I were for sale. Then he said, “You? Gay?” Just a second later, he added, “Well, you could be gay.”
I remember gasping for breath. I was terrified to dip my toes in that dark lake, but it turned out the water wasn’t that cold. I had been bracing myself to cry, but his reaction made me feel safe. He didn’t mock me or recoil in disgust. Instead, he continued our earlier conversation as if I had just mentioned my fondness for ice cream. It felt like nothing had changed.
I interrupted him, saying, “I want to talk more about what I just told you. It’s important to me.” He looked at me and shared something that has stayed with me ever since:
“If you’re gay, go tell your parents, find a man, marry him, and live your life in this village. What else is there to discuss?”
And that was it; we didn’t talk about anything else. I wasn’t destined to live in my village forever, but I didn’t need anything more. I knew it was okay to be gay.
My Learnings
Our first interactions with anything are crucial.
This doesn’t apply solely to queerness. Shame a young child for anything, and they’ll carry that burden for life. If you smile when they stumble, teach them it’s okay to fail, and empower them to laugh at themselves, you’ll raise mentally healthy individuals.
Surround yourself with those who celebrate who you are.
No one enjoys judgment, yet we often allow it into our lives. My advice? Cut it out. Only those who accept you for who you are will help you feel good about yourself.
Be a role model for those who need it most.
Your children may not come to you to share their feelings, but show them they can. Demonstrate with your actions that you’re there for them. Take them to Pride, watch movies about issues you care about together. Be an example and share stories that matter.
